Master Tells Jokes

Spoken by Supreme Master Ching Hai, International Six-day Retreat, Youngdong, Korea,
May 9, 2000 (originally in English) Videotape No. 696

Real Video 100K: English, French, Portuguese, Aulacese, Spanish, Thai subtitle
Real Video 56K : English, French, Portuguese, Aulacese, Spanish, Thai subtitle

There was a millionaire who was having a heart attack, and he was taken to a hospital emergency room. After he was admitted to the hospital his three sons and four daughters walked up and down the corridor, waiting, pacing the floor. When the doctor came out of their father’s room, everyone jumped on him and asked, “Good news? Any good news?” The doctor shook his head and said, “I’m sorry, bad news!” And everyone said, “Bad news?” And the doctor replied, “Yes. He’s going to live for a very long time.”


Spoken by Supreme Master Ching Hai, Florida, USA, May 13, 2002
(originally in English) Videotape No. 747

Real Video 100K: English, French, Portuguese, Aulacese, Spanish, Thai subtitle
Real Video 56K : English, French, Portuguese, Aulacese, Spanish, Thai subtitle

There was a couple who had invited a friend to their home for dinner, but they were in short supply of one of their favorite foods. So the wife said to the husband, “After your friend has finished two pieces, don’t ask him to have anymore, OK?” And the husband said, “OK.” But when the friend finished the two pieces of their favorite food, the husband forgot, and as usual said, “Oh, please, have some more. I’ll go bring some from the kitchen.”

So the wife looked very, very stressed. And then the friend said, “No, no, no.” But the husband still insisted, and the wife looked even more stressed. Then the guest refused even more firmly, and in a hurry said, “No, no, no!” So later when the guest had gone home, the wife was very mad at the husband and scolded him, saying, “How could you do that? How could you do that? I told you already after two pieces you should not have offered him any more, but you kept asking him. You should have told him there was no more left.” And the husband said, “I’m sorry, I really forgot about it.” And the wife replied, “Forgot about it! But I kicked you under the table. You should have known!” And the husband said, “No, it wasn’t me you kicked. It was our poor friend!”


 

MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 PM. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred in R.D. Jones’ ad yesterday. It should have read “One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 PM.”

WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands corrected as follows: “For sale — R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him.”

THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don’t call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!