Spoken by Supreme Master
Ching Hai, Phnom Penh, Cambodia, July 23, 1996
(Originally in English) Videotape No. 563
Normally,
people say that the neighbor's wife always looks better. But I don't
think so. Reports say that 90% of men would like to marry the same
woman again, if they could. So don't fool around, feel sorry and become
one of the 90%. That's why from the old times until now all the Masters
recommended faithfulness and loyalty to one partner. Because they
know you will feel sorry, anyhow.
It takes
a long time to get on well with one person, a stranger. Whether it's
a woman or man you love, he or she is a stranger to you. You have
never known them before. Even if you knew them as a schoolmate or
something like that, there's still something inside that you don't
know about until you actually live together.
Because
when you are dating, like boyfriend, girlfriend or fianc? you share
the same joys but you don't worry about the same problems. You part,
you go home, and each worries about his own problems and takes care
of his own responsibilities. You share only the joys when you're together.
So things are different, rosier. And even if you quarrel a little
bit, because of the distance and the need or the habit to be together,
you get back together again and forgive quickly. But once you are
living together, you have to share the same responsibilities and the
same anxieties; then things go differently. It takes a long time to
mature this loving relationship, to learn each other's habits and
the deepest aspects of the other person's inside being.
This comes
out with time. You get used to their shortcomings and "long-comings"
and "late-comings" or "early-comings" home, and
things like that. But it takes a long time to get used to it. And
once you've created a good relationship with each other and have mastered
the differences and matched it all up already, then it becomes like
your own creation. Your relationship is your creation, so you feel
good. Just like you have built a house for yourself. Even if it's
not as good as the neighbor's house, or it looks different or some
people don't like it that much, it's your house. And when you create
it with your own hands, you love it. You feel that you are part of
it. So that's why when you divorce a long-time wife or husband, you
will feel miserable. And if you have to begin anew with another person,
it takes another ten years, at least.
Well,
I am still trying hard with all my "wives and husbands"
here in the Center. I still don't know them yet. I am surprised all
the time; they always give me big surprises. I can never tell if I
know them all inside-out already. I know some parts of them but I
don't know them all - their personalities, not the inner God quality.
Also, I have attendants but sometimes when I change one, even if it's
the worst one, I feel very bad. I have to teach them all over again
and it's very, very tiring. And no matter how bad the last attendant
was, she had some good points, too. I had become used to getting along
with her bad and good points already; I knew how to deal with the
bad ones and accept the good ones. And now the new shortcomings and
bad habits are coming, and I have to deal with all brand new ones
again. It's exciting but exhausting, too.
It's similar
with wife and husband. Because when they first come together, they
vow to stick together and sincerely want to build a nest together.
They will put all their heart and mind into building the relationship
and the home. They're very sincere. And so now, they become like a
part of each other. Really, that's why we call them 'partner' or 'the
other half' or 'the better half.' So after they part, it's like they're
halves; they're halved into fifty percent. And generally they feel
something is missing. To build a house with another partner would
not be the same; to build another relationship would not be the same.
Every
human being has good points and bad points; there will be something
missing in each and every being you encounter. So sometimes you daydream
that the next person is better, or the other half or the neighbor's
wife is better, but it's not necessarily so. Research has shown that
most men would like to re-marry the same woman, which just proves
that the religions, the Bible and the commandments were right all
along. Because everyone is God anyhow; whether it's this female God
or that female God, it's still God. So we might just as well get used
to one God. Each one just has different attributes to make them a
little different. So lately if your relationship has gone sour, or
if something is not good in the family, you must think again whether
you really want to get rid of this woman or this man, or if you have
made a mistake, and what would happen if she were really gone. So
if you are really not sure, then just leave home for a few days, go
on retreat or something like that.
People
say the more you resemble your partner, the better the relationship.
That means you like each other so much that you unconsciously absorb
each other's qualities and become like one. Even your expression changes.
It's just like dogs and cats and their owners, who look exactly like
their dogs and cats. Because they love their dogs and cats so much,
they imitate their expressions. For example, they kind of pull their
nose to make it longer, like an elephant's, if they love an elephant.
(Laughter) I have seen many people who love pets that look exactly
like their pets. You know it; you've seen them, too. When people walk
in the park with their pet behind them, you just can't tell who belongs
to whom! They both look so much the same. And they both get along
well, the dog and the owner.
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